There are few things more disheartening, infuriating, and humiliating than when a spouse comes to you and admits an affair or carries one on behind your back with the hope you never find out. Unfortunately, we see it all the time here at our online divorce review site. The moment of realization when someone knows their spouse cheated is often the point when trust in the relationship and the other partner dies. Nevertheless, it IS possible to survive an affair, but it’s not easy. To do it, you’ll need these three key elements.
One: A Willingness To Forgive.
Some victims of infidelity continue to be in love with their cheating spouses and are more apt to forgive, while others merely want to forgive for the sake of any children in the relationship. Whatever your reasons, you need to have that willingness for there to be any hope.
Two: A Willing Spouse.
You’ll definitely need your spouse to be legitimately remorseful and not just sorry that they got caught. No marriage ever was saved from the clutches of infidelity wherein the cheating spouse was unwilling to change. If it’s something that your spouse truly wants to do, then they will need to be committed and transparent. They will need to let you know what they’re doing without asking. They will need to hold it together when you’re freaking out and wanting their passwords. They will need to be willing to lay it all on the table — everything — so there are no secrets and no further reason for suspicion. Because this type of transparent behavior is difficult, many decide they no longer want to try to save the marriage. If that happens, then you should accept it and find something better. If they do accept it, however, you need to be willing to let them. Don’t continue to dredge up the past and expect your marriage to succeed.
Three: A Clear Diagnosis.
Forgiveness and willingness to change are only two of the key elements needed for survival. The last, and perhaps most important, is a diagnosis of what went wrong in the marriage where an affair became possible. This can be difficult because it requires drilling deeper into the marriage to discover where you both might be at fault. However, it’s essential if you really want there to be a future.
If you’re past the point of no return and would like help in deciding the best path for your divorce, read some of our online divorce reviews. We cover the best attorney referral and DIY forms services on the web and can help you find the proper solution.[Image via Flickr Creative Commons]