As an online divorce review site, we have seen the toll that divorce can take on our clients. It is not uncommon for feelings of loneliness to persist well after the papers are finalized. However, it’s important as a divorcee to realize where loneliness ends and alone time begins and how to distinguish between the two. Why? Because too much loneliness can lead you down destructive paths, and a healthy amount of alone time can be the best thing that ever happened to you. How can you distinguish the two? Allow us to help!
When you are feeling lonely, you have a tendency to crawl inside of yourself and obsess over the things that went wrong in your life. You can be in a room full of people. You may even be talking to someone. Yet inside, you are thinking about the end of your relationship or about how much you don’t want to go home to your big, empty apartment. (By the way, when you’re lonely, even the smallest, most crowded apartments can feel big and empty.) Lonely people don’t set goals. Lonely people avoid human contact. Lonely people think that their best days are behind them, and that there is nothing more to life than misery. They bask in their failures and forget about their successes or blessings.
Alone time is a different animal. It’s something that you actually look forward to. It’s that little voice inside of you that would rather be binge watching Breaking Bad than talking to this person or that person. It’s that part of you that doesn’t mind being in an empty room; that “inner person,” who actually finds peace in solitude. When you are experiencing “alone time,” you value the opportunity to collect your thoughts, recalibrate your ambitions, and set new goals. You don’t mind that there is no one around because the person you are is just fine. When you get to that point, other people will want to be around you, and you’re more likely to find a relationship that lasts.
If your online divorce is still fresh and there is still pain in your heart, don’t lose hope. The happier that you become with your alone time, the less lonely you will be. Best of luck![Image via Flickr Creative Commons]