Laura Lifshitz, in a recent piece for YourTango, talked candidly about her divorce and the events leading up to it. She admits that she can be a “little loud” and outspoken, and that that created an issue between her and her ex. But while sharing these details, she also stumbled across some of the best advice you’ll probably ever hear when it comes to picking a mate, especially if you’re divorced and looking to reenter the dating arena.
The advice came from her father, who’d been happily married to Laura’s mom for decades.
In her words:
“I worried too much, he said. I was too sensitive. … I could be selfish at times. I didn’t appreciate all the good things he did every single time he did them. But since the day we took our vows, I was — and am — the same woman. I didn’t miraculously change or transform into some unknown creature. I entered marriage the same way I exited marriage. He was supposed to love me for me as I did him but apparently, he had had a different idea.
“‘You were supposed to change. You weren’t supposed to stay this way,’ he [her husband] had told me during one of our many late night fights.
“I wasn’t supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the wife he had in mind. The wife he could make.
“‘Dad,’ I texted. ‘I’m feeling down. I just wonder if I will ever meet someone who accepts me for me. Maybe there is no one. Maybe I am doomed. All men seem to want are nice little quiet women.’
“No one is perfect. Everyone comes with problems. Marriage is about accepting someone despite the person’s flaws and loving them just as he or she comes.”
Just as he or she comes. In one little text, Laura’s dad gave the perfect marriage advice — advice that, if we lived our lives with this understanding from the beginning, would probably slash divorce rates across the country and the globe. By knowing what your spouse’s faults are going in — and them knowing yours — and you both resolving to love each other in spite of and sometimes because of those faults — you will be more likely to find the perfect mate.
What is some of the best relationship advice that you’ve ever received? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.