An amicable divorce is not often easy to have particularly when one party wants out of the marriage and the other wants to stay in. However, it is possible to keep things from spiraling out of control provided that you are willing to stick to the following guidelines.
First of all, set conflicts in ‘safe’ locations.
You may not have the type of spouse who will react violently to the news that you want a divorce, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have conflicts arise that can get out of hand emotionally. That’s why, when approaching an argument, you should try to do it in a public location where there is an understood set of behaviors re: what is acceptable to say and do. By focusing on the venue, you can treat your divorce professionally instead of emotionally.
Secondly, do not engage in self-destructive behaviors.
This point is particularly true if you’re the spouse having difficulty with the divorce. Keep drinking, drug use, and other questionable behaviors out of your life. It can too easily cause an emotional reaction that might prove damaging to your children, your spouse, and yourself.
Thirdly, keep the past in the past.
Once divorce is where the relationship is headed, there is no point in dredging up past fights or arguments. There really isn’t anyway. No one wins, and that’s probably part of the reason the relationship devolved to begin with. It’s much better to be goal-oriented and focus on the future and getting through the present as smoothly as possible.
Finally, don’t let your spouse call the shots on how you react.
While it’s true that you can’t control what your spouse is going to do or how they’ll react in a divorce, you can control your own words and actions. Don’t let them bring out the beast. Keep a cool head and treat it like the dissolution of a business relationship. If they can’t get you down to their level, they’ll eventually stop trying. And even if they don’t, it will play to your advantage on the final judgment provided you were the adult.
What are some specific things you did to keep things amicable between yourself and your spouse? Share your thoughts in our comments section.