If you want to take a wrecking ball to your relationship, have an affair. That’s the one action that can make trust almost impossible to rebuild, and when that breaks down, everything else starts to follow suit. It can be extremely hard getting your spouse back if you had an affair, but it is possible provided that you commit to the following steps.
1. Cut off all contact with the affair partner.
It is not possible to rebuild trust with your spouse if the affair partner is still in the picture, so no matter what type of relationship you had before, that’s all over now. You can’t call, text, chat, or even send a thinking-of-you postcard to the other person. All contact. If your spouse ever found out about even the slightest after knowledge of the affair becomes known, you’re pretty much done.
2. Sacrifice privacy.
If you’ve had an affair, you don’t get to complain when your spouse is a bit erratic when it comes to allowing you your privacy. You won’t have to say goodbye to it forever, but you will need to be willing to let go of every secret that you carry and present him or her with 100% transparency. If that’s too difficult a task, then you’re probably not going to make it. The good thing about being transparent with texts, Facebook, email, phone history, Internet history, etc., is that the more of it you show to your spouse, the less of it you will have to show over time. In other words, you’ll get your privacy back provided you’re willing to show your partner saving the relationship is more important.
3. Attend counseling.
If your spouse doesn’t want to go, don’t let that stop you. You need to get to the bottom of the reasons that you did what you did. Ideally, you will go to marriage counseling together, but if he or she isn’t willing, book an appointment anyway. If they see that you’re working to become a better spouse and rebuild that trust, then they’ll be more apt to join you later, even if they’re not yet ready.
Have you ever had an affair? How difficult was it to get back in your spouse’s good graces? Sound off in the comments section.