Serious relationships can be scary if you’re coming from a divorce. For that matter, they can be scary if you’ve never been married! Think about it. You’re deciding to let someone else into your world. To be vulnerable for them. Sacrifice a large degree of your privacy. And perhaps even say to them “I want you and no one else for the rest of my life.”
No one can blame you for not being ready for such a commitment, and to help you determine whether you are, we’ve put together some signs that you’re not ready.
1. You can’t stop blaming yourself.
People who get divorced or get broken up with after a long-term relationship may blame themselves for what went wrong, and while no one is ever “innocent,” chances are you’ve been heaping coals on your head for a lot longer than you should have. If you still carry around a lot of guilt — deserved or not — from your last marriage or relationship, then you’re not ready for another, plain and simple.
2. You can’t let go of the anger.
When someone you loved rejects you, it can sting. Or maybe you rejected someone who turned out to be a totally unfaithful dud. Same thing. If you left your last relationship under the circumstances of anger, and you’re still more concerned about seeing bad things happen to the other person than making good things happen for yourself, then you’re definitely not ready for a serious relationship.
3. You’re afraid of intimacy.
When talking serious relationships, intimacy is an integral component of the topic. You cannot get close to someone without letting them see you vulnerable. There has to be a give and take between the two of you, and if you are the one holding back, then you may want to head back to single-hood and get to know yourself a little better. Also, if you’re ready to be intimate with someone — physically, emotionally, etc. — but THEY’RE not ready, then don’t take that as a knock against your own readiness. You may have just not found the right person, and this can be your sign.[Image via Flickr Creative Commons]