Many people, once that “divorce” word enters the conversation, stop thinking with their heads and start thinking with their hearts. That’s almost always a recipe for disaster. (Probably 99.9 percent of the time, so don’t get hung up on the word “almost.”) When you put down your guard like this, you are asking for trouble. Here are some of the dangers that can occur as a result.
1. You allow your spouse to dictate how things go.
The person who sets the tone of anything is usually the one who enjoys the most favorable outcome. Since it’s somewhat timely, let’s look at the recent example of the Floyd Mayweather-Manny Pacquiao fight that you probably paid way too much for. Mayweather is a boxer and a counterpuncher. Historically, the only way to beat these guys is by making them fight in a different style. (Worked for Marvin Hagler in his 1985 bout with Thomas Hearns.) Pacquiao, instead of bringing the pressure to Mayweather and forcing him to stand and trade punches, spent the whole fight chasing him and lost a decision. Something similar will happen to you if you allow your spouse to call all the shots in a divorce.
2. You fail to protect your interests while they’re protect-able.
In the early stages of a divorce, you may be able to protect your own interests — like getting proof that something was yours before the marriage, for instance. But if you put down your guard and allow your spouse to dictate, you may be scrambling around for evidence too late. Better to be diligent and act quickly to protect the assets that are yours.
3. You hide things and underestimate the investigative skills (or drive) of your spouse.
Many men hide money from their wives. It’s unfortunate, but true. Thing is, when the spouse you’re hiding things from decides she wants a divorce, she is operating on a whole new level than the person you’re used to. If there is something hidden, she or her attorney will probably find it, and then you’ll be in serious trouble with the court. By playing fair from the beginning and not allowing your relaxed attitude towards your spouse’s intelligence to win the day, you can avoid associated headaches.
4. You allow Hurt You to man the army Fierce You will need down the road.
Divorce is often a battle between two parties, and if you’re operating from a place of Hurt at the beginning, then it’s possible you’ll be setting yourself up for failure when you finally realize the error of your ways and start pushing for your own list of demands and protections later on.
5. You don’t fight hard enough for the things that matter.
One thing I failed to protect in my divorce was the interest I had in the home. At the beginning, I didn’t think it would be possible for me to live there because of the memories. But as I grew hardened throughout the divorce process, I started realizing what a disservice I was doing for my future home-buying self. It took nine years to get back into another home when I could have fought for the one I had a right to.
It’s hard to be motivated when you feel the world is crashing down, but steel your resolve and fight for the things that matter in your divorce.
