Laura Lifshitz recently took on the theme of grieving your divorce for YourTango, and it’s a sobering reminder of what happens when the finality of calling it quits soaks in. Lifshitz, normally a funny lady, goes a much more poignant path with her reminiscing as she struggles to come to terms with the fact that no memory of her ex exists inside their new home. The whole piece is worth a read, which you can do by clicking here, but for our purposes, I’d like to focus on that word, “grief.”
How do you grieve a divorce properly, and is it necessary if you’re ever going to find happiness again?
It can be particularly tough when you’re in a relationship that ended due to a mutual decision with no ill will. If only you could hate your spouse, then maybe you wouldn’t feel so alone! The reality is that hate doesn’t make anything better. If anything it makes it that much worse because it doesn’t allow you any kind of release. It simply layers on another negative emotion. The truth of the matter is that divorce and death go hand-and-hand. Neither of you will be the same people when it’s over, so you might as well come to terms with saying goodbye to the old part of your life, especially if you ever want to find out the person you’re supposed to be.
Is the Grieving Process Necessary for Divorce?
It’s vital. Only by having a period of time where you focus on dealing with those emotions can you move on. That doesn’t mean you will never think of it again after your grieving process is done. Some believe that grieving can go on for years to varying degrees. However long it takes, it’s worth it because it expunges that “old record” and opens your eyes to new opportunities.
- Set goals for yourself.
- Enjoy the time you have alone.
- Date different types of people.
- Take your time moving into a new relationship .
- Get rid of the old mementos and photographs that are holding you back.
How have you managed to grieve your divorce effectively? What has gotten (or is getting) you through? Sound off in the comments section.